Funny Things....

by Roy Mackey


     No... smoking may not look pretty but it has it's benifits. Mainly it helps circulate a big pile of money in our society. This of course is what helps keep all our financial portfolios afloat. The thing is we need to get as many kids to smoke as possible in order to maintain the benifits that it offers. Sure there are health risks but it appears that in twenty years doctors are going to come up with a cure for cancer anyway. The real hard part is trying to get kids to conform by rebeling. A lot of kids are onto the reverse psychology trick we've been using so are going to have to come up with another plan. I think it is time to make smoking ileagl like pot is. That way kids would be even more motivated to smoke. Anyone who is not sure how well that is working just has to check out pot consumption statistics. After all it is human instinct to want even more the things we can't have. Anyway something to think about... 




The Bullet Trick

      You know my Dad always use to say "Never let the system tie you down" He also told me if I was smart I could get around anything. Well to be honest being no dummy I have practiced that often. This is my latest example. You see a few years ago I lost my pocket knife.... actually it was stolen by a over zealous airport security guy. It was on my key chain and had completely slipped my mind. When the guy saw the knife he started reaching for his gun. Of course I threw up my hands and said keep the knife. Little did the guy know that it was also a microscopic tazer and robotic lock picker. I got it off an ex CIA guy. The tazer did not really zap the person it just screwed with their energy field and the person drops on the spot. I later learned from the mother ship that they had sold the CIA the tech for it. I guess that is how they fund their dimensional travels. Anyway that sucker was fun. The best part is the person wakes up and can't remember a thing.

     Anyway the security guy grabbed my toy and lopped it in the bin. Luckily unless you knew what it was and how to use it then it appeared to be nothing more than a measly pocket knife. Likely ended up in some sally ann somewhere. Well needless to say after loosing that I decided I needed to come up with another plan. Mostly because I have always liked carrying knives on me. Not that I need them mind you... After all years of studying Death Stare Kung Fu I hardly needed one for self defence. I just like the feel of them and you never know when you want to cut up some fruit.


     So what I did was found this old bullet knife. Now next time I board a plane they won't have a clue. They will just see the bullet and think nothing of it. Yet the second I am on the plane and want to trim my nails or something Viola! I just pull out my bullet.    


     Here it is in the opened position. Who would ever thnk this was a knife!!! I actually think this is an old piece of trench art made by soldiers trapped in trenches and just killing time before they died or got maimed.

     I am sure my Dad would be quite impressed with this idea. I know he wouldn't be surprised though. After all as a kid he used to always say that I was not near as dumb as I looked.




Strange things happen...




A Japanese guy is at Los Angeles International airport waiting for his flight back home to Japan. While he's waiting he goes to the currency exchange counter to change his remaining dollars.

He counts his money at the counter. "Wait a minute." he says to the clerk, "When I came here I got more dollars for my yen. What's going on here?"

"Fluctuations" says the clerk.

The Japanese man stiffens. "Well Fluck you Americans, too!"