Merry Christmas from here in Hell
By Roy Mackey
Here is something I came up with years ago while still living back in the Lake Windermere Valley. At the time I was studying a lot of metaphysical stuff and one Christmas started to notice the similarities below. I ended up adding some more to when I moved to Nanaimo and then started posting it here at the ARC 8 years ago when I first moved in. Yes a little early for Christmas but better early than never!
SANTA vs SATAN
SANTA…Slightly rearranged spelling equals…
SANTA... Brings us "Gifts"
SATAN…Temps us with “Gifts”
SANTA...Comes down the chimney and from the "Fire...Place"
SATAN…Comes from the "Fires of Hell."
SANTA…Has a red suit.
SATAN…Has red skin.
SANTA…Lives in the uninhabitable and frigid North Pole
SATAN…Lives in the uninhabitable and searing fires of hell
SANTA…Has elves to do his work
SATAN…Has demons to do his work
Not to mention:
Evil Wicked Witches go…Hee! Hee! Hee!
SANTA goes…Ho! Ho! Ho!
Evil Wicked witches fly on Brooms…
SANTA flies with reindeer and a sleigh…
It should also be pointed out that gifts from both SANTA and SATAN require strict compliance with a certain contract or agreement . With SATAN you get your gifts first and then pay later... sorta like VISA where you buy now and paaayyyy later. With SANTA you have to pay up first by not being naughty. The gifts come later... supposedly. At least when they do they are paid for no interest.
Just a couple more points:
Anyone who is even half on the ball knows that Santa's reindeer are nothing but a pack of cheap hired thugs and bullies. At least most of them anyway. You would have had to be deaf not to know that. Rudolf will quickly attest to that fact as they used to laugh and call him names all the time. His torment had gotten to the point of unbearable. In fact apparently Rudolf had been planning to hang himself for a long time, and would have too, had it not been for that fateful foggy night. Just the same the torment he endured never leaves him even though he can now play in their reindeer games. In fact it is why he has been seeing a therapist ever since.
Rudolf has been quoted as saying that he now knows how Oprah must feel. All of the other reindeer only loved him because he was going to go down in history and be famous. Otherwise they would likely still be laughing and calling him reindeer names. Which only proved to him that they were nothing but a bunch of brown-nosing suck-ups trying to further their own careers via being nice to him. He said realizing all this was the main reason why he eats nothing but baked beans for the two days prior to Christmas Eve.
And finally on this bright note “Claus” with an “e” is a term used by insurance companies. A clause is a loophole, usually written in small print, that allows them not to pay your claim. It was designed by lawyers, who along with insurance companies, reside in hell and make up fantastic ideas like “SANTA CLAUS” to help stimulate a consumer based economy.
Merry Christmas to all...