For those that don't know I have been best friends with a blue and gold macaw for 26 years now. She is great fun and quite a stablizing force in my very unstable life. It seems everytime I move somewhere she tags along. I guess she has gotten used to the unusual life style that artists have. She told me once she could have stayed in the amazon and grew up there but that was just too boring. She decided to hit the city and hope for the best. I knew where she was coming from since I grew up in the Rocky Mountains. Nice scenery and fresh air but after awhile same old same old. I could not wait to get out of there. Anyway she hitched a ride with some local native to the closest city and then managed to work her way to a pet shop in Victoria BC. I guess her start there was not going so well partly because she did have a bit of a mean streak. It turned out my girlfriend and I both found her interesting. Before long that macaw had us conned into bringing her back to the mountains.
          Anyway if you have hung around a parrot for any length of time you know how great they are. The nice thing about parrots is unlike dogs or gold fish they can live a very long time. Gold fish arn't so bad since you barely have time to get to know them before they belly up. Dogs are about the worst. Ten to fifteen years is more than long enough to get used to them being around. Then when you have finally adjusted to their lifestyle they up and die. This leaves you hanging and often seriously depressed. With good reason since dogs unlike people are always happy. Most humans whether they admit it or not are only two steps from a pen, paper and razor blades. We take life too seriously I guess. Think about the last time you talked to a friend... let me guess they were crying about something or other. It seems like a habit we humans love.  
          Anyway back to the title of the story... how to kill your parrot or whatever. Basically there are two ways. The most popular is slow starvation. In fact a pet store once told me it was the most popular. People dole the beast out a few peanuts and seeds here and there and eventually the bird is getting stuffed or studied by the local university. Parrots do need to be eating more than seeds and nuts. If you don't know that you better learn more about it. It's cheaper than buying another bird. Unless of course the novelty has worn off and you can't find someone else to take the birden off your hands.
          There is another way to do in your parrot of course that few know about. It is the old silent but deadly teflon frying pan trick! To those that don't know teflon frying pans are extremely toxic to birds. All it takes is one good wiff from an overheated teflon frying pan and your pet is dead before it hits the floor! I met a guy once who was complaining about the local pet store selling nothing but sick birds. Everyone he bought he said died within a couple of days or so. I thought that was kind of strange since the pet store seemed to be fairly good as far as I was concerned. Anyway as we walked into this guys place I noticed a large box of new teflon frying pans sitting there. He said grab one if you want. I got a load of them in a back alley deal somewhere. He also said they work just great. Well that explained his dying birds.
          New frying pans are worse than ones that have been used for years. When they get heated up over 350 degrees or so they give off a gas. That gas is what gets your bird. Needless to say we are miltant about making sure we have no teflon in our place period. To have some and try to be careful is like tying a hand gun to your kids head and telling him not to bump the trigger before sending him off to school. Because of this we have never had the joy of buying a new breadmaker every year to throw out when it quits. It takes us far longer to do the dishes and I have not worn any ironed clothes forever.
          I guess it's a small price to pay since I actually want to keep on speaking terms with my good macaw friend. Over the years I have been very surprised to notice that a lot of pet stores don't tell their customers about the teflon gig. I guess they got a point after all they are into selling birds not creating long lasting relationships. If you got a bird though I would be heaving the teflon where it belongs... in your arrogant neighbors yard! Some people have wondered about how safe does that make it for humans? I usually reply... "Ever hear about the canary in the coal mine?"

          As an added note here I just remembered another neat way to do in your "birden" It is the old galvanized bolt trick! All you have to do is give your bird some access to galvanized bolts or screws and stand back. Galvanizing is great since it protects metal from rusting but one of the side things about it is the fact it is poisionous. If you have a large bird that likes to chew this is a slick method. I myself hate galvanizing since the fumes from welding it can strip the lungs right out of you... or at least your bodies ablitly to process oxygen. Thus I keep almost none of it around. .