Posted by Roy Mackey on Saturday, January 5, 2013
You know mankind is pretty strange overall for a lot of reasons. One of the reasons I find particularly interesting is our ability to cut things. It is incredible. We can cut anything. You name it and we can cut it. We have lasers that can cut the wings off a fly or thick plate steel, scissors for paper, knives for butter, knives for meat, knives for bread, hand saws for wood, hand saws for steel, hand saws for glass, electric saws for wood, electric saws for steel, electric saws for glass, power saws for cutting trees down, power saws for trimming tree branches, grinders for cutting steel or wood, plasma cutters for cutting every kind of steel, we can even use water to cut hard things like glass and steel. It is incredible how far we have come from the days of sharpened stones tied to sticks. Hell we even have tools that can cut part way through the surface of our bloody eyes for Pete's sake!! The list of what we can cut Is unreal. In fact we often have a lot of different ways we can cut the same material. New ways to cut things are always coming on the market, New, improved and far better ways to cut stuff. When it comes to cutting we seemed to have reached the pinnacle of greatness. Sure as of yet we cannot cut our enemy's in half from a distance but even that is not far off.
Yet in the midst of all this cutting greatness we still can't "cut the cheese" Now I am not talking about the normal use of this term but the actual literal meaning instead. Why the hell is it that we still can't cut cheese in varying thin slices like we want in the comfort of our own home all for only $19.95? We all seem to eat a lot of cheese and thus everyone one in North America could use one. Yet still after all these years of perfecting the art of cutting no one has invented one decent, easy to use, easy to clean way to cut the cheese!!! WTF???
Why can't NASA take a little breather from their big shot Mars mission and come up with something that will really benefit mankind, A decent and easy way to cut cheese? With their budgets how hard could that be? Now if you remember there used to be, and likely still is, those landfill-fillers made out of marble that were about as useless as using a chainsaw. Sure they cut a few times but before long the little wire broke and off it trotted to the landfill. Hardly anyone I know has not thrown at least one of them out during their lifetime. Yes we can cut diamonds as easy as we cut bread yet still can't come up with something to cut a little piece of cheese into thin slices.
Think of the advantages to being able to cut cheese. First and most obvious is the fact you could likely get more mileage out of your block of cheese. Second you could save your counter top after all who drags out the cutting board every time. Then best of all you could save time. Think of it… plop the block of cheese on the gizmo, close the lid, push the button and then lift the lid up. Viola cheese all cut in slices neat and tidy. Not to mention saving your fingers… ever cut yourself cutting cheese? I have seen it happen more than once myself. Plus think of the ease of prepping a meal. Pop a slice of bread on the plate, swipe on some butter, mayo, a thin slice of cheese, some honey and garlic and viola sandwich done!!
Now who knows maybe decent cheese slicers has been invented already and the inventors are rotting away in some shallow grave out back of some dairy farm or something. I guess it's possible and a great story if you are into conspiracies. If not what other excuse could there be? I tell you one thing if you could invent one and get it onto the market before anyone found out you could be rich enough to afford the security you might need. Not only that but millions of people would be thankful for what you had done. Mother Teresa statues across the world would be replaced with statues of you. People would start switching off the NASA channel and moving over to your infomercials!! People would form groups to worship you for all you had selflessly done for mankind. You would be every grilled cheese sandwich kid's idol. The fame and glory would be incredible. Good luck though as it seems flying to Marz is a hell of a lot easier. Anyway if you do invent one let me know and I would buy one for sure…. If I won the lottery or not!!!
Oh and if for some strange reason you know about one that is built to last at least fifty years or more I would love to hear about it. It has to be built to last as I am no longer the avid supporter of landfills like I used to be. Sure Iskea may hate me but my bank account sure doesn't!!